the last day of summer

Archives

December 2005  January 2006  February 2006  March 2006  April 2006  May 2006  June 2006  July 2006  August 2006  September 2006  October 2006  November 2006  December 2006  January 2007  February 2007  March 2007  April 2007  May 2007  June 2007  July 2007  August 2007  September 2007  October 2007  November 2007  December 2007  January 2008  February 2008  March 2008  April 2008  May 2008  June 2008  July 2008  August 2008  September 2008  October 2008  November 2008  December 2008  January 2009  February 2009  March 2009  April 2009  May 2009  June 2009  July 2009  August 2009  September 2009  October 2009  December 2009  

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?
portfolio
plentyofink
Photobucket

love hope and leap

Sunday, March 04, 2007

did i try too hard to remind everyone of love and hope,
that exist, in their simplest form we hastily overlooked.
so hard that it all becomes a little too much.
i think i cant keep up with this strength anymore.
i must have taken a leap too far.

i thought, but it's all good, except me.
i havent been a good friend,
i havent been calling, asking or around.
i havent been a good sister,
i have been contributing to bad drinking habits.
i havent been a good colleague,
i havent been committing like before.
i havent been a good lover,
i havent been sweet, nice, dependable or ideal.
i havent been a good daughter,
i havent been near the definition of good.
unwillingly, i became a baggage.

where has the goodness that i wish to feed gone.
who would least, turn back and say,
"i remember what you have done for me.
(even though you totally, completely suck, now.)"
the irony is, i have never hidden or denied my flaws,
but they are the only things people will remember.
why cant everyone be happy with (not for) me.
fighting to be, being and staying happy seems to be wrong.
as long as the pleasure solely involves myself.
i cannot not be generous, selfless, stupid and soft.
its like this - eventually everyone leaves,
when the going gets tough.

shit, this entry seems very depressing after going thru it once.
i think i just had a very mentally toilsome day, indoors, all by myself.
there are a million and one things that require my attention.
the job, that other job, that other other job, the account balance,
my horrid attitude, the expiring food in the fridge, the dirty floor,
the rain that splashed in, the laundry, my wrong-doings, my faults...

the break came when sis paid a 30minutes visit.
the suicide came after 2 completely unnecessary phonecalls.
that quick 3minutes threw all my unsettled thoughts into a mayhem.
i flipped. after having not a soul to verbally speak to for nearly 20hours,
i had to be screaming. to people i needed to see/hear/talk to.

on a lighter note,
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
just keep trucking. guess im better left alone doing nothing, but work.
my sunday took a leap off a cliff.



posted by peenutkew  # 12:34  1 comments