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this is shit

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

i reached the bank at 4.35pm. they wouldnt let me in.
i didnt get the cashier's order for my flatmate. shit.
i went to the temple, and said a prayer, for everyone.
but myself, how could i? have forgotten that.
i went for an interview that went too well. they just have no vacancy.
i found out some things and started having doubts.
i am having doubts about a few individuals i respected.
i lost my bike keys at the place i lost my house keys 4 days ago.
i broke open the scooter that i sent for servicing 8 hours ago.
i made someone send me home, not exactly along the way.
i have a test in 6 hours' time, and i hadnt studied for.
i have waited 2 damn months for this test that i MUST pass.
i do not have a scooter to scoot my ass to the test in 6 hours.
i do not have a scooter to send my flatmate to the american embassy,
along with the cashier's order that i did not manage to get for her.
i do not feel good going to sleep now but i cant bring myself to study.
this is so much shit, and i dont know how else to think.
this really is too much shit, it has become so funny.

posted by peenutkew  # 19:28  0 comments

a dream

Monday, July 23, 2007

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Dreaming of Kel

the tv seems to understand my gestures,
the lazy chair hugs me from the back,
my only real conversation was with the miso soup,
that white-skinned wooden plank shared my dream,
we interpreted and tattooed on her skin,
i didnt know, that i can be so afraid of loneliness.


yesterday flew off after a warm embrace.
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posted by peenutkew  # 09:51  1 comments

point

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

i spent a good 20 minutes typing religiously, and backspacing, completely.
i guess i already feel better, without publishing a post made of angry honest words.
i do not know why i must allow myself to feel so sore over another's wound.
maybe this is how i only could go to bed with a clear conscience.
i feel good, though a little shortchanged, though a little unjust, though a little bitter.
but i insist, it's all good.

i look straight, and see the punching stares and accusing arrogance.
suddenly it feels all alright now, because they are the ones who do not matter,
at the end of my day. i know i am well cushioned.

i am blessed, and good riddance to the ones i have lost.
i finally understood what the length of time could prove.
some, i could not repay justice to.
some, i could not allow myself to embrace, at this point in time.
and in the still silence they sit, in patience and genuine intentions.

i judge the ones i should value by the hi and byes i received in just this night.
now i can dim the lights and bid myself a goodnight,
my thoughts are cleared and i am letting go.
well done for a positive entry.

posted by peenutkew  # 18:31  2 comments

last week

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

it was 1 of the WORST week i have ever been through.
from work, to people, to money, to sleep, to mood swings.
everything and anything one can ever imagine to go wrong,
had gone extremely wrong.
even a relaxing bbq gathering laid out without flaws,
had to be spiced with tidbits of pricks and most of all,
summed up with a completely disastrous end.
i hope this is the wrap of a black June.
besides feeling lousy and physically challenged,
my value and self worth have been mercilessly measured,
by parties i no longer respect. spare me, i am only a kid.

i am the wall behind the dart board.
every single miss is a prick in my chest.
and every glorious hit is none of my business.
wow. how bad can i make this sound. ok,
it's really not that bad, i am still alive and THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

remedy: i fired myself from work and played a fool with my brains.
i threw tantrums, behaved like a brat and i'm not gonna stop just yet.
i will continue to curse and swear and not feel ashamed.
i am going to carry around my unkempt hair (that badly needs to be trimmed)
and not give a shit about that image (for now).

so, here's the yesterdays:
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posted by peenutkew  # 17:12  0 comments