the last day of summer

to pull away

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

i quartered the halves to double the pain.
just so that it might heal four times faster.
i ditched us with questions, marks, in abundance.
like the coffee table tales i read to you before.
i asked and run, just in time, away from your replies.
skipping the transits, cold turkey style.

so, Love and Hope held hand in hand, and
you plant your jewels and gems in my palms,
just to have me throw them all away.
conveniently excused. unjust. impudent.
we never really found a way to get to Leap

everything i am left with to say becomes something gross.
words that do not blend into legible sentences.
unfit for weary ears and torn faiths.
broken hearts.
haunting memories.
monstrous emotions.

posted by peenutkew # 02:54 0 comments

trying to remember

Sunday, April 13, 2008

the staircase was a challenging platform.
it lifted me to the ninth cloud,
yet banished us to a dark hole, depth unknown.
that tiny path down so narrow,
i guess it only nicely fitted us.
and no room for anything else, not even logic.
i am guilty of not wanting to find any excuses,
i am aware yet acting that it didnt quite happen.
it meant something and nothing all at the same time.

why am i not even considering what next to do.
it just felt too comfortable, comforting.

posted by peenutkew # 09:50 0 comments

so Q-ed

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Q.topia

one of the best weekends i have had this year.
at this age, i am blessed with people i can not only have fun with,
it is a merit that they are also people i can talk to,
cry to, work with, do stupid things with and bitch with.
after unintentional filters and series of events,
i am left with a nice handful to keep. good enough for me.

Q.ueer

i am one of those girls who have loads and chunks to complain about.
i am one of those lesbians who have plenty of comparison to make
between the colorful gay parties and the stagnant lesbian parties.
thus, when there are huge girls' parties, i would jump at it.
and i cannot comprehend those who complained and criticized,
yet boycott when a girls' party is being put up.
we do have girls' parties, but maybe girls just dont know how to party.
a good number of the girls who showed up preferred to sulk
and whine in their little corners, bitching about being bored.
there is sometimes just so much that can be done to entertain,
and do we really expect to be taken by both hands to find "fun" in a party?
i can clearly distinguish between those who came to have a blast,
and those who were prepared to be bored even before they arrived.
everyone plays a part in making not just one party a success,
but also for more, and even better ones to come.

i had the time of my life.

Q.uality control

i never once denied that i am someone with little patience.
i do not like to tolerate nuisance at the table i sit.
i cannot bring myself to find excuses for insincerity.
and i especially do not condone any nonsense done to the ones i love.
not to my best friend, not in my presence, not in front of people.
i only regret for being unable to defend.
i am never known for good manners or an even temper.
but i actually found the strength to contain my rage, that night.
the dinner tasted pale, not because of the half-fucked vendor,
the air was stale not because we were worn out by 2 days of fun.
the conversations were odd not because we are not comfy with one another.
and i do not understand why the person who didnt want to be present
had to torture himself (and the rest) by showing up.
if there was a paint shop anywhere near,
i would gladly dip his face into a pail of ivory white nippon.

be proud of me, i kept most of my cool.
i guess i did because i do not wish to behave like him.
he obviously dreaded every second he was seated there, but i didnt.
and we are definitely NOT the same.

posted by peenutkew # 07:51 0 comments