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the month with full of surprises

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

the machines that flown off tracks,
the pause in every clocks to put all back in perspective.
the sigh of a life saved or an object lost,
the stories all too familiar but nobody can ever be prepared to hear.

the stumbles up and down the staircase in rocketed manner,
orchestra of conversations, music, keyboard-thumping and footsteps,
a i-wouldnt-say-good-or-bad combination of the 2 kinds of rocks,
it was time to stop when my left and right movements got entangled.
it was enough when the pencil didnt touch that paper.

the look of the most endearing face of one typical night of every week,
paired with that statement that rang repeatedly in my ear.
deafening, piercing, denying me from my faithful beliefs.
the plead from a very dear friend before her door shut,
the silent ride to an empty home, the hands that held mine.
i didnt want to crumble, they didnt allow me to.

i remember the quiet nights home with you,
nothing between us but the wind.
i have spent the most time, sitting on you,
waiting with you, talking to you, crying with you,
breaking the rules with you, racing for time with you,
cruising the highways with you, running errands with you,
getting into and out of trouble with you.
i crashed you into a car, up on a curb, down from a slope.
i built you from scratch, and showed you off.
everyone who knows me, they all know you too.
i even left you detained in the police station once,
but you knew i was not going to abandon you.
not till now.

posted by peenutkew  # 19:18  0 comments

frozen in a trance

Friday, July 25, 2008

i have learnt to adore you all over again, only more this time.
i named you my gem, something i place close to my heart.
i believe every word you spell even when they do not rhyme.
i walk a little slower just so your back is always in sight.
when the weeds grow wild, i remember to focus on the harvest.
the harvest i can almost smell, just because you promised.
and you say, in your own way, the fruits will be worth the pain.
the ridiculous amount of faith i hide in our sheets,
warm and cushioned, maybe a little too comfortable for some.

i have been tearing my heels to keep you up. close enough.
and i do not have high expectations of you,
just that you are always highly thought of.

posted by peenutkew  # 10:46  0 comments

can't put a finger to this

Saturday, July 19, 2008

i kept watch of the faces and places we are too familiar with.
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i keep prancing in and out of little crazy moments,
like playing a solo mind game, throwing and drawing cards.
flipping and changing tiles, not even knowing what they mean.
the endless mahjong sessions i recalled that's constantly
filled with camel smokes and stenched with beer and tea.
banging and shuffling, calling and fidgeting.
waiting and always just waiting in vain. and pain.
i fear the phone that doesnt ring,
as much as i fear the phone that bugs me.
the barley over springrolls and all the talks about being queer,
staying strong, keeping focused, not losing directions,
not breaking (too many) hearts, not giving up.
we keep getting slammed with choices we are forced to make.
and we procrastinate only to make the matter stale,
and far too awful to even look at anymore,
is that when we decide to just throw it all out of the window.
lets begin a new chapter or is it too late?
will anyone read or bother if the ink is blue or black.
i want to lay my thoughts out onto a canvas without friction,
i'm pretty prepared to let them be stepped on,
just try not to kick my paint of thoughts out of the canvas please.


the mail that changed the day. but i insist, we will be okay.

posted by peenutkew  # 11:03  0 comments

thievery

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

i nearly feel sorry for taking her hopes away.
i feel fucking wicked to have almost stripped her head off her neck.
i am close to believing i am the fraud.
and a stone throw away from loosing a grip.

i didnt think my footwork could be shaken by anyone,
especially the one with one sob story, told a hundred times,
only rephrased a hundred different ways.
i didnt think someone would buy the tales and her tears,
dated back beyond expiry date.
until i feel a sudden clinch somewhere i couldnt define.

i didnt think, until the words sucked me into a trip,
one with familiarities and visited not too long ago.
only in a slightly different position.
but nearly as painful, equally guilty.

i wanted to be stubborn and selfish, if i cannot find strength.
i wanted to be deaf to that story she wouldnt keep,
under her soaked and salted pillow.
i wanted to think i am capable of not giving a damn.

i have been skipping so fast that this suddenly feels so far,
from gravity and reality.
her cries amplified and deafening.




or
have i been wrong.

posted by peenutkew  # 06:12  0 comments