the last day of summer

when you remember

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

i am sitting here, right here at that same spot i first spotted you,
strolling out of that door we almost forgot. its color and texture.
but not the way it felt, and the intensity or intention or impression.
i might have let them slip astray of my mind sometimes,
but never too far from the corridors of my heart.

this cold cannot get colder, i thought.
this earth cannot get rockier and i will not let it.
this feeling cannot get lost beyond recognition, not mine.
do not let it. because i am sitting here, still.
waiting for the morning where you will rise from that bed.
be it sunshine or snow outside that window,
if the suits are in a frenzy or the rates are plunging.
where you will visit again, when you will remember.

posted by peenutkew # 11:49 1 comments

Saturday, December 27, 2008

posted by peenutkew # 05:57 0 comments

in 2 bags

Friday, December 26, 2008

good things come in 3.
but unfortunately most things come in 2.
like 2 sides to every story, but an outsider's opinion would be good.
like a pair of hands to eat, plus maybe another to be sms-ing.
et cetera, et cetera.

just when i thought i have physically removed the bag off my back,
the second bag in my head haunted me for a good,
close to hidden, and nearly denied few months.
the latter than cannot be seen or touched is normally more poisonous.
like the silent evil twin who does not bitch in your face.
like it is easier to not see someone, than to not think of someone.
like it is easier to keep your foul mouth shut, than to curse at the back of your mind.
like it is harder to sell your scooter away, quit your job, leave your life behind,
than to leave them further than just the back of your mind.

on a lighter note (for festive reasons as well),
and from my comparisons of the 2,
back to the norm of 2 and the greater 3,
i recalled than my best friends come in 2,
and i am 3. so it's all good.

happy new year.

oh and by the way we all know my favorite number is 3.

posted by peenutkew # 19:42 0 comments

eve

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

the last quarter of every year has always been very joyous for me.
always filled with occasions, people, love, bright lights, presents,
all the good things one can ever ask for. i have been blessed.
right start from my birthday, through to the year end,
thoughts would be filling me up like how events filled the calendars.

this has been a tremendously different chapter,
and the irony is i have always wanted something different, and to be different.

not without resolutions, but just none that i want to think of this year.
(though i have never managed to remember or get down to fulfill the resolutions made)
i cant say i am without company, just that there isnt really one i can embrace.
the ones i can hold, like really hold with my two hands,
are but people or things i cannot really feel or make meaning of.
the ones that keep me warm, and truly spell alphabets i can make meaningful sentences with,
are untouchable, behind screens, of the computer, the mobile phone.
i have been trying so hard to visualise, to draw, or close to even fantasize,
the faces, the expressions, the tones, the warmth in the breaths,
of the ones creating those words, behind those screens. for my eyes.

in every aspect of the five letter word, alone that i feel.
but i promise not to get near to feeling lonely.
i am not supposed to feel that way. i cant.

posted by peenutkew # 14:52 0 comments

forgotten.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

and the words, they found themselves out of the window.
as simply as how you would let them be.

posted by peenutkew # 21:58 0 comments

the waking moment.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

how do i begin telling this story that has been told to me more than 2 years ago.
and then related in different ways bearing that same essence.
only too familiar and scary that it brought me to tears now,
when i laughed my lungs out of the table across the fortune teller who first told me.
not to chew but swallow the fact that i am going to be burnt out.
by every one thing i care, think, and feel too much about. which is,
every single thing in my life. each and ever very one of them.

dont chew, swallow.
that my mind would give me up one day and bid farewell to sanity.
is it not better this way or would i actually prefer to not be alive.
the casual remarks across dressing, dinning, turn, coffee or even vege-tables,
expressions of something someone just being a little out of the ordinary,
you are crazy.
exaggeration that becomes a daily expression.
crazy is not really crazy anymore.
you dont know someone who has gone crazy everyday.
you know someone has joked, accused, labeled another as crazy everyday.

i woke into the tears i cannot find a shoulder on.

posted by peenutkew # 14:13 0 comments