the last day of summer

what a brag

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

i never knew blondes can be fake or maybe blonde has evolved into a new/few categories.
i was wrong to think that some things just do not change,
in fact, everything changes and some change for the worse.

to the set of ribs whom proclaimed to hold the truest of love,
yet destroyed the name of it.
to the pair of hands whom protected and shield her beliefs,
and turned her sore, sour, bitter and bull back,
because her crap and brag overwhelmed her own head.
to the beaten and bruised fighter who did not fight but played a game,
of her own, in her own world, from the end to another imaginary end.
yes you, and do not even bother to turn your head again,
to wonder or suspect i might be talking about another.
nobody deserves the throne more than you do.

your method of love and loyalty tickles my swollen toe.
your theory of selflessness is but a selfish and deceiving brag.
nevermind that you took yourself uninvited across oceans and miles,
to blackmail, to threaten, to hurt and yes inflict pain,
to the one you proudly claimed to love.
nevermind that love to your definition is not just obsession, but possession.
nevermind that your ears are selective to hearing,
and tongue is twisted with facts.
nevermind that you insulted my friends and flipped in a second,
with your sorry puppy eyes and a cheap "sorry".
nevermind that you even think i am as sorry and silly as you are.
nevermind that you still think that you have been so tortured,
ruined and what not, because i can certainly forgive the substances
blocking your sanity channels, dodging reality from you.

seriously, nevermind that you must and will use revenge and deceit
to continue to hurt the person you so unconditionally love and worship.
nevermind that i used to think better of your integrity.
nevermind that you probably will never own up to your own brag.
i just sincerely hope you go to sleep each night,
admiting to your own reflection in the mirror that you cannot even recognise.

i wonder how a few coins in your pocket lasted you the way home,
how you didnt freeze to zero like how you claimed you might,
how you got your notebook smashed but not taken,
oh yes yes, and how you bribed the customs of our neighbours with pathetic dollars.
you are our national hero. or zero, whichever you rhyme.
you are the king, you decide.

just, spare my little life, please.
i am only trying to live my life, so very far from yours.
i cannot help but hear and be disturbed by you and how you made yourself clear,
that you will go near the people close to my heart.
leave my friends alone if you have a heart.
didnt you use to call them sluts?

just, spare the one you have loved with all of your heart, head, money and drugs.
she is only trying to get on with life and over the nightmare of you.
her mistake that she cannot help but have a soft spot for you,
her crime that she believed your friendship not once but thrice,
and you returned with betrayal, pain and drama episodes.
the reason why you couldnt let her go is not rocket science.
you just simply didnt love her enough.

just, spare the dog you claimed to own.
and watch your baseless words and groundless statements,
because all these might just slap yourself back in your face.
for you can tell your tall tales to the ones who do not know 2 shits,
but we all know you were in fact the one who wanted to hurt the dog,
and you know, that we know.
nice try in turning that table that is nailed dead to the floor.
dont make me, spill your rotten beans,
dont make me, recite the dairies of your drunken nights.
dont try to make me, lose all respects for you, because i already have.

dont.

posted by peenutkew # 20:19 6 comments

twentysecond april

Friday, April 24, 2009

i thought my eyes were making a fool of me,
if it wasn't the skies playing tricks with my eyes.

there are some things you won't see caved in the seat behind machines,
there are some stars you won't catch at nights,
there are some drifts you won't get if you can only contain yourself.

wednesday used to be my favorite day of the week, when i was 19.
mine this week started out with an enormous sight,
i smiled along my walk to work, a good 20 minutes if not more.
i thought, how bad can anything get? how low can anyone fall?
the world is beautiful, if you remember to look beyond your pathetic self,
beyond things that don't go your way, because it isn't the only way.

i took many things upon my shoulders,
and took it back out on them when they wore thin.
i tried to pull things together, shaped them in proportion,
held a handful slightly bigger than my own.
i thought i could manage with strong faith,
but maybe i just needed bigger hands, or those without gaps between fingers.
i can't secure many things within my embrace, let alone beyond.
i can't rescue things that get consumed by themselves.

wednesday skipped along with me for half a day.
wednesday tripped over and turned its back on me.

posted by peenutkew # 10:36 0 comments

breaking a toe

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

i started running again with my swollen toe.
breathing, panting, pacing, and sometimes chanting.
watching the clouds and skies, imagining them watching out for me.
passing the fields and the trees, from green, to white and then yellow.
racing with and against the winds, biting my teeth, always.

i was running for something at the other end.
with faith that i can never be too late, however long i may take.
driven by happy endings, and the glorious finishing line.
i kept both my fists clenching firmly to sheer hope,
on better days, forgetting the throb on my foot,
on nastier ones, as of late, just ignoring the growing ache.

have the swell on my foot gone up to my head,
have i taken me a little too far and off from reality,
and became carried away by my graphical start?
i cannot seem to feel being felt anymore,
i dont hear myself being heard anymore,
i cannot muster the courage to turn my head around,
to measure the spaces i have created, with the distance i have made.

where have i brought myself,
when have i stopped counting metres for miles,
what have i broken besides a toe?
how have i ended up with a bottle of questions,
and misplacing all the answers?

posted by peenutkew # 14:19 0 comments

dearest kew,

Friday, April 17, 2009

this is just where you are, it is called in between.
the only thing is, neither of us know, of what.
you are prancing forward and back, but getting neither here nor there.
you spent the last 3 hours on this page,
typing, deleting, constructing, drifting.

having so much intended words but ending up with none to write.
i am puzzled by/as you.

posted by peenutkew # 14:50 0 comments

and the picture does not even do you justice

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

you were the only one who stayed,
no matter the distance i've strayed.
but i gave you away instead,
because i thought you could not wait.

yet i was the one, who didnt consider the wait.

posted by peenutkew # 21:14 0 comments